We are taught to love our neighbors as ourselves. However, are we taught to love ourselves? Or are we taught that to praise oneself is prideful? We are not given good models about how to have healthy self-esteem.
If I cannot love and respect myself how can I truly love others? Yet, we seem to have the hardest time respecting and loving ourselves. One of the most common problems I encounter in my clients is lack of self-esteem. They seem to hold themselves to a higher standard than anyone else in their lives. They expect more from themselves than is humanly possible. And, of course, they cannot live up to their own high standards. Consequently, they feel they have failed.
You may ask, "How can I begin to love myself?" One of the simplest ways to start is to take care of your physical needs. It sounds so simple, but how often do we do it? Begin by eating when you are hungry. And feed your body with nutritious food.
Respect your body and your body will take care of you.
When you are tired, plan a rest time in your day. Even if it's just ten minutes you will feel refreshed.
If you don't take care of your body, who will? Relationships are also very important in our lives. We may have r4relationships that nuture us emotionally. But we may have some relationships that tear us down.
These are the people in our lives who don't respect us. These are the people in our lives we can never please no matter what we do. These people can drain our energy and our self-worth.
If we respect ourselves and love ourselves we will make every attempt to surround ourselves with people who nourish our hearts and souls. This is critical. We need to have people who support and love us. This is not optional. This is a requirement for a healthy life.
If you love yourself, you can love others.
If you respect yourself you can respect others.
Even if there is someone in your life who does not respect you, that is not your problem. You still must respect yourself. You must learn that loving ourselves is an inside job. This may be the most powerful lesson in your life. It is healthy to love yourself.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Letting Go of Worry
One of my clients, Mary, just asked me an excellent question. She read my last post on "Acceptance and Letting Go". Her words were, "I know I can't change another person, but how do I stop worrying about their behavior? How do I stop worrying about the consequences of their destructive behavior?"
I'll give you some of my ideas about this topic. Please feel free to add your comments, experiences, etc. Together we can have more wisdom than any one of us can.
We have all been there. We see a loved one who is eating compulsively, or drinking compulsively, or in a bad relationship, etc. The list goes on and on. So what do we do? We attempt to give them our solution to their problems. I don't know about you but I've never had another person follow my advice when they didn't ask me for it. And sometimes they ask my advice and then completely ignore it.
The first thing we have to look at and we have to be completely honest with ourselves about this. We have to know that we are bringing OUR PERSPECTIVE to the situation. And we always believe that our perspective is the right one. We never think that we might be wrong, or partially wrong, or that the other person doesn't see it that way at all.
Just consider this. Is it possible that the person you are worrying about needs to learn an important life lesson from the situation they are in. And if you get in the way that they may never learn what it is they need to.
It is also pssible that you're sending out the message, "You can't take care of yourself. Therefore I'll do it for you." It's funny that God gives us free will to make our choices in life. Is it possible that you're playing God in someone's life. Usually our intentions are good. Usually we want the best for a family member or friend. However, we're taking away their free will.
Remember a time in your own life when you were struggling with a problem. It could have been the end of a relationship, the loss of a parent or spouse, or even the loss of our health. Did you learn something from your pain that you couldn't have learned in any other way? Can you look back at that painful time and know that you needed that to grow, either emotionally, or spiritually?
The best thing that we can do for ourloved ones is to let them know that we are available if they need us. And then we can step back and pray for them. We can put them in God's hands. After all His Hands are so much more powerful than ours. He knows the answers. We do not. One woman in my Women's Coaching Group had a wonderful way to do this. She found a garden chair in the shape of a huge hand. She pictured that as God's Hands. She placed her problems and her family's problems in that Hand.
Put down your burdens and know that you don't need to have all the answers. Surrender to your Higher Power and just let him work. And have patience, the answers come in His time and not in our time.
I'll give you some of my ideas about this topic. Please feel free to add your comments, experiences, etc. Together we can have more wisdom than any one of us can.
We have all been there. We see a loved one who is eating compulsively, or drinking compulsively, or in a bad relationship, etc. The list goes on and on. So what do we do? We attempt to give them our solution to their problems. I don't know about you but I've never had another person follow my advice when they didn't ask me for it. And sometimes they ask my advice and then completely ignore it.
The first thing we have to look at and we have to be completely honest with ourselves about this. We have to know that we are bringing OUR PERSPECTIVE to the situation. And we always believe that our perspective is the right one. We never think that we might be wrong, or partially wrong, or that the other person doesn't see it that way at all.
Just consider this. Is it possible that the person you are worrying about needs to learn an important life lesson from the situation they are in. And if you get in the way that they may never learn what it is they need to.
It is also pssible that you're sending out the message, "You can't take care of yourself. Therefore I'll do it for you." It's funny that God gives us free will to make our choices in life. Is it possible that you're playing God in someone's life. Usually our intentions are good. Usually we want the best for a family member or friend. However, we're taking away their free will.
Remember a time in your own life when you were struggling with a problem. It could have been the end of a relationship, the loss of a parent or spouse, or even the loss of our health. Did you learn something from your pain that you couldn't have learned in any other way? Can you look back at that painful time and know that you needed that to grow, either emotionally, or spiritually?
The best thing that we can do for ourloved ones is to let them know that we are available if they need us. And then we can step back and pray for them. We can put them in God's hands. After all His Hands are so much more powerful than ours. He knows the answers. We do not. One woman in my Women's Coaching Group had a wonderful way to do this. She found a garden chair in the shape of a huge hand. She pictured that as God's Hands. She placed her problems and her family's problems in that Hand.
Put down your burdens and know that you don't need to have all the answers. Surrender to your Higher Power and just let him work. And have patience, the answers come in His time and not in our time.
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