The term "acceptance" is rarely used in our everyday lives. I first heard the phrase at 12 Step meetings. Alcoholics Anonymous the granddaddy of all 12 Step programs put it into words beautifully.
On page 449 of the AA Big Book it states, "Acceptance is the answer to all of my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, or situation - some fact of my life - unacceptable to me, And i can find no serenity until I accept that person, place or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment."
What a concept! It is exactly the opposite of the way most of us live our lives. We want to change others, our spouses. our bosses, our parents, or other family members. We want them to behave in such a way as to make our lives easier. We are so sure that if only they took our advice their lives would be better.
Even if we are right, and other's lives would be better if they took our advice, they rarely listen to us. They rarely listen because they haven't asked our opinions.
We obsess over other's problems because they we don't have to think about our problems and ourselves. The fact is that you and I cannot change another person. We are powerless to do that. We may have some influence but each person is responsible for himself or herself. And there are so many other things we cannot change. We cannot change the weather. We cannot change our height. We may be able to change our weight however. The sun will rise each morning and set each night. The seasons come and go. Luckily, we are not in charge of that.
So what can we change? It's so simple. We can only change ourselves. But it's not easy to look at ourselves. It's not easy to see our defects. Sometimes, it's not easy to see our assets. But life is much simpler and more satisfying when we concentrate on what we really can change.
And the fact is that what we resist, persists. Life is a dichotomy in that way. When we fight something in our lives it's likely it will persist.
Does acceptance mean that I have to like everything and everyone?
No. Does acceptance mean that I am passive and don't take action when I can? No.
Acceptance means changing what you can and letting go of the rest.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
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